The Window To My Eyes

Showing posts tagged Story

New Year - 180° Turn

It’s crazy the weird turns this year has taken already. It’s weird because everything is following the plan I never planned. It’s weird because as things fall into place, they seem to fit in perfectly, like that’s where they belonged in the first place. It’s crazy because it has almost been a 180° turn.

As you probably know, I’m very open about my life, but for obvious reasons I don’t really share personal things that greatly involve other people. But last year was a rough year for my family. There was a lot of cheating, deception, and just overall garbage that surrounded our once united family. Up to very recently my sister was starting to deal with depression, again. All while my parents were on a fast track to a bad divorce. I know, this is heavy stuff. The worst part of it all is that even though I knew things were bad, it all hit me like a high speed train. I was unaware of most of the actual facts, and still I’ve sort of had to fill in the blanks myself, because I was off to college. Apparently since stress affects my disease, my family just didn’t wanna worry me. That just made me feel even less as part of the family. But like I said, 180° turn.

Just to give a bit of a background so that you may understand the whole story. My dad was a pastor of his own church before we moved to Canada. My mom was the worship leader, and they were both very committed to God, and to the church. While we were there we witnessed tons of miracles, such as healing, liberation from demons, money that appeared out of nowhere, etc. I personally literally saw a few angels & demons with my own eyes, I also received a few prophesies from God which later turned out to be 100% correct (one of them was that we would leave the country, which included the date). Anyways, my point is that we were good to God, and he was always good to us, even later when we started drifting apart from him. I could honestly write a book about all of this because it’s so long, and it gets pretty complex & complicated. But the short version is that we all strayed away from God. It wasn’t overnight, it was a super long process, but it happened.

Fast forward to a month back and we were in the worst spiritual drought we’ve ever been. Well, at least my parents. Me and my sister hadn’t completely rebelled but we were not great either. But something happened, many prayers later, God finally broke down my dad. His change was radical, amazing. Something you have to witness to believe. I had forgotten how good a father can be, and all the respect I had lost for my dad, he started to earn again. I never stopped loving my him, but I was not proud to be his son…I am now.

My dad was in Colombia while most of this change happened, but during this time my mom hit rock bottom. I came from college and the next day she left me alone in the house because she decided to have a week off in Dominican Republic. She first lied about her destination, but me & my dad figured it out. Since my dad filled his heart with the love of God, he was able to calmly talk to my mom, pray, and ultimately forgive her for all her wrong doings. I’m not saying my mom was the ‘bad guy’, I’m saying they both were, my dad just happened to repent first. They both decided to give the relationship another shot, but this time with the help and guidance of God.

Fast forward to today, I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen my parents more in love than they are now. I have started to see the blessings in our lives appear, and I’m waiting for even more amazing things to follow. My sister is still not back from Colombia, but I’m hoping that things just get even better when she’s right here.

If I’ve learned anything from this rough road is that life without God is much harder, and truly not even worth living, at least not for me. I have seen what life without him is like, and it’s not something I wanna keep trying. Even through my rough patches, I’ve never stopped praying, and God has never failed me. On the contrary, I have failed him too many times to count and still he receives me with open arms.

The purpose of this blog is not to convert you, actually, as I began to write this blog I had something very different in mind. I was gonna talk about how I made a schedule for myself, which I’ll be starting to follow tomorrow. But somehow this is what the blog turned into, and my purpose is simply to share my experience.

And because I know some of you may use the argument condemning God, saying, “Well, that’s not very nice of him…just because you don’t follow him, he makes your life a living hell? That doesn’t seem very loving to me”.

It’s not like that at all. It is simply the difference of being in the light, and going to a dark room. When you see everything so clear, everything so amazing, it becomes even harder to be in the dark. You don’t even know how dark it is if you’ve never seen the light. It’s easier to navigate in darkness if that’s all your eyes are accustomed to. But one second in the light is worth more than a million years in darkness. But if you’ve been in the light, when you step away you start bumping into things, you will probably smash your little toe with something, and you may even fall. It was our decision to be in the dark. God never stopped calling us to get back into the light, but his greatest gift is also the biggest curse, free-will. We had to make a conscious choice to step back into the light.

I know a lot of you don’t think very fondly of God, but even if you completely disagree with the way I view life, and what I believe in, all I ask is that you respect my choice. Because we all have a choice, and I choose to walk with God.

Posted 1 year ago

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Tags: New Year, Blog, Story, Experience, God, Testimony, Divorce, Love, Marriage, Family, Religion, Christian, Christianity, Hope, Faith, Blessings, Miracles, Angels, Demons, Life,

Neglecting Tumblr

I have neglected Tumblr for a while, no new posts, not even a reblog. I don’t like it, I don’t like it one bit. I know the effects of leaving a site for a while. It’s sad to say it, but in general, internet people are very fickle. There are the few loyal ones who will stick with you ‘till the end, but those are hard to come by, and even they can grow tired of your absence. It happened to me on Youtube, I once left it for about four months, and when I came back, it was almost as if I was starting back from zero. I don’t regret it, because I took Youtube a lot more serious after that, partly because I felt like I let a lot of people down. Very few people stuck around, there’s not a lot of the first batch of subscribers who still watch my videos. That’s one of the reasons why the number of views I get is not even close to being parallel to the number of my subscribers.

But I digress.

I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be more active on Tumblr from now on. I actually happen to really like this site, and believe it or not, one of my passions is writing. Stick with me, we have a long road ahead.

Posted 1 year ago

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Tags: tumblr, Come Back, Fun, Posts, Posting, Neglecting, Blog, Blogs, Youtube, Story, Mistake, Fix, Solution, KKortez,

Failing On Youtube?

My Youtube experience is almost like using your left hand all the time until one day you start using the right hand; everything feels so much more natural, not only in how well you do it all but also how much faster everything moves. The sad part is that in this analogy the left hand happens to be my main channel (KKortez), and I guess KKortez3 would be like a finger of that left hand. Yes, that would mean my Spanish channel (ESKKortez) is my right hand.

How did I come to this conclusion?

A bit over a month ago I had my 4th anniversary of posting videos on my main channel, and KKortez3 is now three years old. That is super crazy, it’s hard to believe that I’ve been posting videos on Youtube for so long. The crazy part is that as some of you may know, Youtube is not really just another site on the internet. For me it has been a way of life for over four years. But here’s the tough question. I repeatedly asked myself this question, and I had a hard time answering it.

What do I have to show for it?

At the highest point, my videos were reaching a minimum of 800 views, averaging at about 1,200. I was on the clouds at that time, life was good. Ha! I sound so dramatic. But it’s true. We’re being completely honest, yes or no? Yes! So as I was saying, I was on the clouds. I made close to $500 in just one month, that for me was crazy. I always dreamt of making more than that, but actually getting that much for doing something I love just tickled my soul. But there’s that question again. What do I have to show for it? My videos on my main channel are barely making it over 200 views now. The only reason they actually keep growing slowly after that is because after all my experience in Youtube, what I do have to show for it is knowledge about how to best utilize meta data, and how important it is to work a little bit harder on your thumbnail. That’s basically the only reason my main channel has over 1.5 million views, well, that and Justin Bieber. That’s why I could never hate that nice boy, not even after stealing Selena Gomez from my hands. Those videos are the reason I still get over 1000 views on that channel everyday, which could potentially stop at any moment.

KKortez3? That was always just my personal channel, posting when I wanted, and whatever I wanted. That’s also the reason why there was hardly any views on there, apart from my video about masturbation.

Here’s the thing, yes, I love making videos. Views are not the reason I make videos, and neither is money. But when I sacrifice so many other things in order to maintain a schedule, and work hard on my videos, the last thing I wanna see is less and less support each time. I don’t have a job because I’m working hard on making Youtube a stable job. The last time I went out with friends was about two weeks ago. I am not someone who makes videos on his free time and checks back a week later. I literally work Monday to Friday from 9am to 6pm+. I do admit that I suck at having a social life, so on my ‘free time’, it’s possible that I may decide to work on a video or write a blog. So to see my main channel become what I call a ‘ghost town’ is just truly disheartening. Not only that, but I rarely get replies on Twitter, and maybe I’ll be lucky enough on Facebook to get two likes and a comment. That also means that I may potentially be writing a blog post that no one ever reads.

What do I have to show for it?

Nothing on the surface. It’s actually a bit embarrassing having close to 8,000 subscribers when not even %5 of them are regularly watching my videos. The only reason I keep posting weekly content on KKortez is because I truly care about the %3 who do watch my videos.

But this is not a sad blog post, this is not a self pity party for myself. It’s a happy post, remember? This is about learning to use my right hand. NOT for that. You know what I mean, clean that dirty mind right now.

From the launch everything has always been very calculated. Funnily enough, I launched my Spanish channel when my main channel was at its highest. It was truly the perfect timing, because if ESKKortez hadn’t been booming when KKortez started to tank, I might have lost all hope. But that was it, I answered the question. ESKKortez was what I had to show for it after all those years of just experimenting, and failed attempts on my ‘main channel’. I told myself how stupid I was for not launching the Spanish channel much earlier, something a lot of people had told me to do. But all the failure I endured on my English channel is what prepared me for my Spanish one. It would have never been as well received without my previous experience, not only on what constitutes a good Youtube video, but also on technical things such as writing, filming, and editing. Even the knowledge of how to work annotations and how people feel about them helped a ton.

I guess that’s the tricky part, when you know exactly what works, you tend to limit yourself to that. I used everything I learned, put into practice everything that had been successful on KKortez. Which means I’ve never taken a risk on ESKKortez. There’s been about two videos I wasn’t completely sold on, but I made sure to lower everyone’s expectations so that I could exceed them. How did I lower it? Through ESKKortez’ Facebook. Where I actually get responses, likes, and a few shares. That’s why I say it feels natural. It feels like the way a channel should grow; organically, and constantly.

My daily views on ESKKortez now exceed those of my ‘main channel’, which makes me wonder why I still call it my main channel. It has also surpassed KKortez3 in subscribers and total views. I also get more thumbs up and comments than I ever did on any other channel (on average). It should probably be noted that up to now every single video has surpassed 1,000 views in a span of 1.5 months at its longest, but most do much better than that. Oh, did I mention that ESKKortez has only been active since December?

This is also not a blog post to brag, that’s why I tried to balance it from tearing myself down, to building myself up. The real reason I’m writing this is because I wanna be completely honest with you, and so that it doesn’t come as a surprise if I start migrating more towards the Spanish side of things. The plan is launching another Spanish channel, sort of like what KKortez3 is to KKortez, and I don’t know how much of my time that will take away from me. There’s no set date yet, but it will happen eventually. I will never stop making videos in English, I love you too much to do that, but I can’t promise making them as often as I do now forever.

For now enjoy the video boom. I released nine videos last week, of which eight were in English. The biggest irony of it all is that at the moment KKortez3 is getting the most daily views. That’s obviously due to my current events videos, which I’ll keep testing until I launch that new Spanish channel.

What will happen to KKortez?

Since the only thing I have to show for it is a completely different channel, and subscribers that don’t watch, I’ll start stepping my game up, and implementing all the things I know. I’ll leave all the experimenting and big risks for KKortez3, at least for now. Because without big risks you can never grow as an artist. I already filmed what I consider to be my biggest risk for my Spanish channel.

I doubt people will actually read all of this, but this is where I’ll direct them when they ask about the changes that will come.

Thank you to those who continue to support me, I understand why so many have left, which is why I appreciate even more the ones who have stayed. So…

Did I fail on Youtube?

Nah, I just finished the preliminary four years of learning, now it’s actually time to apply all that I have learned, and keep learning on the job.

When it comes to Youtube, I’m gonna be ambidextrous.