The Window To My Eyes
-
Showing posts tagged Love
-
Enough Is Never Enough
Everything is so weird. My life changes before my eyes, but I’m so close to myself that I barely notice. I used to be the kind of guy who would see any act of kindness as a sign of affection. Now I’m very critical of everything, very observative, very calculative. Life for me has become a game of chess. I’ve made lots of incorrect moves, but the field keeps getting clearer and clearer. Back in the day, if you were a girl interested in me, you could have gotten me; basically, I was easy. I felt lost and confused, I needed someone to hug me. I needed to know others other than my family could love me. But today…today I’m more confident, I know what I want, and I know how to get it. Now if you’re a girl, and you show too much interest in me, I start losing interest in you. That doesn’t mean I want a disinterested girlfriend, because if that step is reached in the relationship, I want all that interest focused on me. But I’ve become this way, because I told myself not to settle, not to conform…when something is enough, aim for more than enough. Honestly, I could get any girl I want. Not because I’m good looking, because I’m really not…just good looking enough. But if you work hard enough you can achieve the best. Plus I have something up my sleeves that most guys lack; honesty & sensitivity. But I’ve yet to meet the girl that takes my breath away. So I’ve dedicated my present existence to serving God, cultivating friendships, and setting up my future. I guess the thing that scares me is falling into loneliness. The trap which could make me forget who I am, and what I can achieve. That’s why I’m writing this; to remember who I am now, and that enough is never enough for me.
-
Never fight fire with fire. Giving the other cheek doesn’t mean putting it up against their face, waiting for the next punch. It means standing up for what you believe, and staying true to your word no matter what comes of it.
-
That Place Where You Belong
Whether you admit it or not we’re all looking for that place, that tight spot which has a comfortable space where we fit perfectly into. But does it even exist? I highly doubt it, or at least throughout my short lifespan and years of search, I’ve never found it. I came to the conclusion that you have to carve out your own space, there’s no place waiting for you, there’s not a sit with your name on it, you have to write it yourself. Of course there are spots which are more welcoming than others, emptier spaces where you would have more freedom, and even those rare corners that feel as if they were reserved just for you. What I’m trying to say is that there’s not really that ONE place where YOU belong. There’s a million places, uncountable spaces where YOU could be happy. Maybe it’s not where you envisioned yourself, perhaps you don’t feel how you thought you should feel, but just appreciate that you are even able to take a spot. Many people fade away searching for the perfect home, for the perfect friends, for a perfect life. The imperfections in life are what make you feel like you have to belong somewhere in the first place. Those imperfections are what make you stronger, what make you happier every time you overcome an obstacle. Maybe there is a better place, a tighter space that will make you happier, but don’t leave a spot that gives you love for a maybe. Maybe when you find it, maybe, just maybe you can even move that spot with you.
I write this message because it’s a message I need to hear myself, because my search for understanding from others has made me overlook a lot of happiness that I let slip through my hands. That’s all I’ve ever really wanted from others, that they understand me, and like me for who I really am. But I focused so much on analyzing those empty spots, that I was unknowingly hiding who I really am. Nowadays a lot of the people who ‘know’ me will tell you that I’m shy, and that I rarely speak. I am not that guy. But I do shy away from changing their opinion of me for reasons I don’t completely understand. Have you seen my Youtube videos? That’s a better depiction of who I really am. Well, maybe my personality is a little exaggerated in those videos, but that’s what a camera does to you. To be honest, that’s the spot where I’ve felt the most comfortable in, in front of a camera, on top of a stage. But that’s not real life, a person cannot live off a fantasy, even though that’s what’s been feeding me all these years. At some point you have to open your eyes and look at what it is that you’re actually holding.
Do not, even for one second feel sorry for me, that would be stupid. This is just one area of my life, one of the dozens of subjects my mind constantly studies. If you were to ask me if I’m happy I would say “YES!”, and that’s 100% true. I have a loving family, a comfortable place to live in, some friends that understand me to a reasonable degree, and even if I had none of that I have God. Whether you believe in God or not, I still love you the same, but I do believe and that belief has helped me up every time I thought there was no way to get up.
So where does that leave us? We’re not a puzzle; wherever we end up, we wont make a perfect picture. That place where you belong is really that place where you choose to be. That place where you belong is both everywhere and nowhere. Just make peace with yourself, love who you are, show that to the world, and the world will be that place where you belong.
-
Ignorance
What is ignorance? It’s a void, a missing piece, an insult, the lack of knowledge, it is the arrogance of those who neglect to see it in their own eyes, it is the failure of a nation to understand, it is the inability to put on the shoes of everyone around you. Everyone is ignorant, at least in some areas. You cannot know every detail about everything. The knowledge you don’t posses is the ignorance you try to defend. Ignorance is not a weakness, it’s a bridge you have yet to cross. But being ignorant is not a fault until you begin to fight for what you do not know.
What is ignorance? It is thinking that the grass is greener on the other side when you have never stepped foot on that lawn, when you have not even climbed the fence to see it right. It is saying that your grass is greener when you’re color blind, when you have not even made an attempt to see what the neighbor has done. There are billions of shoes out in the world, and we cannot step into all of them. Some of those shoes don’t even seem to fit. Our mind is too limited to avoid the grasp of ignorance, so just rejoice in the things that you do know, and rest with peace accepting that there are others that you will never comprehend. Ignorance dies a little everyday, but it can never fully die.
What is ignorance? For a lot of people, it’s a choice. These people read the introduction and decide their own conclusion. These people see three stories and only read the one that suits them best. Whatever they choose, it must be right. Whatever they discard, they classify as ignorant. They choose the shiny answer, but just because it’s socially accepted, does not make it the right one. They look on who to blame, who to hate, if someone disagrees that person must be cast away. They choose to live in a bubble to be protected from what they defend.
Am I ignorant? I know a lot of things about many things. I have walked on countless lawns, and stepped in many shoes. I have lived through the pitch black, and crossed back to stand on the sun. I lurked through the shadows just to end up in the light. Still with all I have observed, with every attempt I have made, I am still as ignorant as everybody else. What I know, I know, and I’m sure of. But what I don’t, I would like to know, but I don’t. Everyday is a lesson, but life is a school with no vacation, and a graduation called death. We never stop learning because the ignorance is never buried. A lot of the times when we think we’re dealing with ignorance, we’re just focusing on our side of the story. Learn to accept that you are wrong a lot of the times. That was a hard task for me, but I finally understood that it’s better to learn from your mistakes than to teach what you don’t know. But what I know, I know, and I’m sure of. That’s when I’ve had to just try to give my point and then just let everything else unfold. It will not necessarily work out in my favor, but fighting against ignorance is fighting with the air. Not everyone can step in my shoes, most people don’t even want to try them on. I don’t blame them, I don’t hold it against them. I just live in peace, knowing the things that I know, and that I’m sure of. People will hate me, but I will love them. People will cast me aside, and I will walk away. We can either battle in our ignorance, or unite in our knowledge.
But don’t take my word for it. This is but one page, one story. Climb that fence and look for yourself. Never stop asking questions, and listen to all the answers. Observe, analyze, study, and pick your grass. I will share my knowledge, but it is your duty to confirm it. I will not lie to you, but for all you know this could be a lie. I am just another enemy of ignorance, so I encourage you to dig deeper, and find the truth. Whether you choose to believe my words, and take them as yours, that’s up to you. All I ask is that you take a second to reflect on what you just read, and ignorance will be hurt.
What is ignorance? Hopefully now it is what you know, you know, and you’re sure of.
-
New Year - 180° Turn
It’s crazy the weird turns this year has taken already. It’s weird because everything is following the plan I never planned. It’s weird because as things fall into place, they seem to fit in perfectly, like that’s where they belonged in the first place. It’s crazy because it has almost been a 180° turn.
As you probably know, I’m very open about my life, but for obvious reasons I don’t really share personal things that greatly involve other people. But last year was a rough year for my family. There was a lot of cheating, deception, and just overall garbage that surrounded our once united family. Up to very recently my sister was starting to deal with depression, again. All while my parents were on a fast track to a bad divorce. I know, this is heavy stuff. The worst part of it all is that even though I knew things were bad, it all hit me like a high speed train. I was unaware of most of the actual facts, and still I’ve sort of had to fill in the blanks myself, because I was off to college. Apparently since stress affects my disease, my family just didn’t wanna worry me. That just made me feel even less as part of the family. But like I said, 180° turn.
Just to give a bit of a background so that you may understand the whole story. My dad was a pastor of his own church before we moved to Canada. My mom was the worship leader, and they were both very committed to God, and to the church. While we were there we witnessed tons of miracles, such as healing, liberation from demons, money that appeared out of nowhere, etc. I personally literally saw a few angels & demons with my own eyes, I also received a few prophesies from God which later turned out to be 100% correct (one of them was that we would leave the country, which included the date). Anyways, my point is that we were good to God, and he was always good to us, even later when we started drifting apart from him. I could honestly write a book about all of this because it’s so long, and it gets pretty complex & complicated. But the short version is that we all strayed away from God. It wasn’t overnight, it was a super long process, but it happened.Fast forward to a month back and we were in the worst spiritual drought we’ve ever been. Well, at least my parents. Me and my sister hadn’t completely rebelled but we were not great either. But something happened, many prayers later, God finally broke down my dad. His change was radical, amazing. Something you have to witness to believe. I had forgotten how good a father can be, and all the respect I had lost for my dad, he started to earn again. I never stopped loving my him, but I was not proud to be his son…I am now.
My dad was in Colombia while most of this change happened, but during this time my mom hit rock bottom. I came from college and the next day she left me alone in the house because she decided to have a week off in Dominican Republic. She first lied about her destination, but me & my dad figured it out. Since my dad filled his heart with the love of God, he was able to calmly talk to my mom, pray, and ultimately forgive her for all her wrong doings. I’m not saying my mom was the ‘bad guy’, I’m saying they both were, my dad just happened to repent first. They both decided to give the relationship another shot, but this time with the help and guidance of God.
Fast forward to today, I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen my parents more in love than they are now. I have started to see the blessings in our lives appear, and I’m waiting for even more amazing things to follow. My sister is still not back from Colombia, but I’m hoping that things just get even better when she’s right here.
If I’ve learned anything from this rough road is that life without God is much harder, and truly not even worth living, at least not for me. I have seen what life without him is like, and it’s not something I wanna keep trying. Even through my rough patches, I’ve never stopped praying, and God has never failed me. On the contrary, I have failed him too many times to count and still he receives me with open arms.
The purpose of this blog is not to convert you, actually, as I began to write this blog I had something very different in mind. I was gonna talk about how I made a schedule for myself, which I’ll be starting to follow tomorrow. But somehow this is what the blog turned into, and my purpose is simply to share my experience.
And because I know some of you may use the argument condemning God, saying, “Well, that’s not very nice of him…just because you don’t follow him, he makes your life a living hell? That doesn’t seem very loving to me”.
It’s not like that at all. It is simply the difference of being in the light, and going to a dark room. When you see everything so clear, everything so amazing, it becomes even harder to be in the dark. You don’t even know how dark it is if you’ve never seen the light. It’s easier to navigate in darkness if that’s all your eyes are accustomed to. But one second in the light is worth more than a million years in darkness. But if you’ve been in the light, when you step away you start bumping into things, you will probably smash your little toe with something, and you may even fall. It was our decision to be in the dark. God never stopped calling us to get back into the light, but his greatest gift is also the biggest curse, free-will. We had to make a conscious choice to step back into the light.
I know a lot of you don’t think very fondly of God, but even if you completely disagree with the way I view life, and what I believe in, all I ask is that you respect my choice. Because we all have a choice, and I choose to walk with God.
-
I Need Your Support
We’ve had a good start, but this is an uphill battle, this is just the beginning. You can vote everyday. Let’s do this. Just click on the title, and go start voting.
Pages
Likes
-
-
Juanes makes magic at ‘MTV Unplugged’ concert with Juan Luis Guerra by his side
-
We we so excited.
-
-
